Thursday, March 24, 2011

Where I've been.....

So I really thought I was about to jump back in to blogging....but God had other ideas. January & February were busy. Trip to New Orleans for wedding and see my best girls, business trip to Dallas, quick trip to Tampa to visit a friend in what we were sure were her final days ....and sadly, dealing with my Father's passing. Towards the middle of February, my Dad was still not feeling well and on Feb 17th, while he was in the hospital, his oncologist gave us the news we have been dreading for 8 yrs. There are no further treatment options. We will set you up with hospice and keep you comfortable. The dr said we had anywhere from 8 days to 8 weeks. God blessed us with 5 more beautiful days with Dad until, as my Mom said at Dad's service, Jesus slipped in quietly at 2:30 pm on 2/23 and performed the miracle only He can do, and took my Dad home.

The day and a half we were in the hospice facility were clearly the best and worst of my life. I don't know that I can fully put in writing how I felt - but I know it sucked. Watching my Dad go through 'actively dying' as our nurse put it was, not going to lie, horrible and agonizing. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. My Mom is the strongest, most incredibly amazing woman I know. She never left Dad's side and my brother, sister and I would rotate in on the couch that was in Dad's room. There are so many precious and sweet memories I have from those days as well - and I'll keep them forever. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about my Dad and I miss him so much.

Dad's service was unreal. I could not believe the people that showed up! We had lots of friends and family come to spend a beautiful day with us - we actually had the service on Dad's 65th birthday! Mom, my sister, my brother and I did Dad's service. It's what he would've wanted and I know, without a doubt, he would have loved it and LOVED seeing all the people that came to honor him. We showed an awesome video slideshow and my brother pointed out in his eulogy that in every picture of Dad with his grandchildren, he has cancer. He also pointed out that Dad NEVER complained of being sick - ever.

Now is the quiet - when people quit checking on you, talking about it and get on with life. I have not grieved....well, properly. I took only the rest of the week off from work the week he died and was back at work on Monday - ready to close out the month. I am blessed with an amazing team of coworkers that help keep me occupied and great friends that make sure we stay busy. I also have an upcoming trip to Tampa to visit friends and RELAX - key word: relax and I am aiming for it to be as stress-free as possible. I have become a bit unbearable at home at times and I'm sure some time away with the kids is just what we all need!

Today marks one month since my Dad's passing. We take every day for what it is. My family is stronger than ever. I talk to my Mom It is good for both of us {I think}. I never really took things for granted, but now even the smallest things hold more signifigance.

**Edited to add: I was supposed to post this 3/23 - but couldn't quite finish it.
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