During the time after my father passed, I told my sister I could write a book on what NOT to say to someone who's parent has died. Thing is, I've been guilty of saying everything I heard, but when you hear it 1567 times, it just gets ... well, old.
- He's in a better place (yes, I know)
- He's not suffering anymore (yes, I know)
- Well, he's fought it for so long - you had so much time to prepare (yes ... but you are still NEVER prepared).
Our situation was so very different. Dad was given 8 weeks and he died 5 days later. Quite honestly, it was a very difficult death - the 2 days he was in hospice. His body was so used to fighting that it didn't know how NOT to fight. Seeing your Daddy, the man who would do anything for you, protect you, fight for you, encourage you, and love you -- seeing that man weighing 120something lbs (less than me and he was 6ft tall) and like clockwork, every 15 minutes, sit up and beg for help. It was heart wrenching and I honestly pray you never have to see your parent go through that and for those of you that have, I hate that we are part of that 'club'. I could go the REST of my life never seeing that again and I would give anything to erase that memory from my head, but that's life and it is what it is and it's changed me. I'm more tolerant, I guess.
I never really took things for granted, but now, if something is important to me, I make it a priority. For instance, I had a friend in town from Lousiana. The ONLY time we could get together was for breakfast on a day that I didn't have to be at work until 11:00. I got up at 5:30 in the morning and drove to meet her for breakfast because I love her and haven't seen her in 13 yrs. I don't know when I will see her again and it was important to me to see her, so it was WORTH it. We had a wonderful time and I was so thankful to be able to spend a few hours with her.
Another thing I learned is you will be SHOCKED who will be there for you and who will not be there for you. People that I would never have expected to do anything for me were doing more than I ever imagined .... and well, you know the rest. It's ok - people are busy. I get it.
I also learned that it's ok to LAUGH! OH MY GOODNESS, my brother, sister and I have bonded so incredibly more over this whole thing. When Dad was in the hospice, we made a pact "All for One, One for All" -- and if one went to Wendy's, we all went. The 3 of us didn't leave each other's side for nearly 4 days. It is something beautiful that has come out of something so devastating -- we were close before, but now we are just so. close. I can't explain it.
Now is the quiet. It's been a little over 8 weeks and last week was probably the worst so far. I miss my Dad. A lot. I was driving home Sat night and saw a shooting star and I said out loud "HEY DAD!" -- corny, I know, but I immediately thought of him.
Please don't think this post is sad -- it's really not. I'm not sad about my Dad's death. I'm sad he's gone, but I know he was in SO much pain, every day was difficult for him. I'm sad about the way he died and although I wish for just one more day with him, I wouldn't have him back for nothing -- to live another day in pain and suffering. On Easter Sunday, I celebrated knowing I would see my Dad again -- I know I have that promise.
You've made it this far and I appreciate you hanging in there! I promise not all my blog posts will be like this - actually I don't plan on blogging on my Dad's death again (for a while at least). I've got SO much to talk about, blog about, etc etc etc. Thanks for hanging in there with me!
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College Bound ~TTUT~
11 years ago
