Tuesday, April 13, 2010

FAITH

SO lately I have been a terrible blogger. There's no excuse, really. I initally started this blog so my parents, Big Daddy's parents, family and friends that weren't local could keep up with our life and document the home remodeling we were doing in our current home. Slowly, my blog has evolved as a sounding board for myself and a way for me to talk about things, get opinions and meet some AMAZING people.


I've already been on 2 trips in the past 6 mths with bloggers that I've met - no joke. These girls have become some of my closest friends - crazy, I know, but it's true. Now that I'm fully into the twitter world, it's harder to blog, but I realize I need to keep it up, because my mom doesn't know how to 'do twitter' and neither do my in-laws. HOWEVER, this post is one that I been feeling like the Lord has put on my heart to write.

For the past 8 weeks, we have been on a journey that I really thought I'd never see again. A few months ago, during a worship team prayer, our worship pastor said he had a word for someone. He said "You're going to go back to a place that's familiar, but uncomfortable, but it will be for your own good". He encouraged 'whomever' this word was for to stay steadfast and that it would strengthen our faith, our relationship with God. I laughed it off and said 'That is NOT for me' ... hmph, little did I know.

Within just a few weeks, Big Daddy and I found ourselves 'back' in the place we were just 5 yrs before. Having to make decisions, budgeting, and mostly, relying on our faith and GOD - so that we did not make wrong decisions. Y'all already know about our decision to move, how we found our home, etc - that was totally GOD. There's just no way it would have happened any other way! Now, we are trying to tie down the final things in order to get our network launched ... but it requires WAITING and being PATIENT, which I am NOT good at doing. I was losing sleep, stressing out Big Daddy, and then finally came to the realization I wasn't relying fully on GOD to get me through this. I am a planner. I don't like when things don't go according to MY plan, which honestly, is now just a big joke! But I'm the only one not laughing! It took some stark realization, plus landing on bible verses and study lessons that would make me realize I need to LET IT GO, quit WORRYING and fully rely on God!

I have really had to let myself be emptied and then be filled with the Lord. Honestly, girls, it's not easy. Being as controlling and analytical as I am, I really just want to do it myself, but as I look around, I see there's absolutely NOTHING I have control over, and you would think I'd realize that and just roll with the flow! No, I'm stubborn. I've come a long way since this all started, and I keep asking Big Daddy, "What do you think God is trying to teach us here?" and as I continue to rest in the knowledge that God does not want to harm us, he wants what is good for us, I know it's all going to be ok. It really will be.

I've learned faith does not happen overnight - it's a process. You grow in your faith as you encounter things in your life and HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM!! I remember falling out, acting like a fool when things started going 'wrong' 5 yrs ago. That's when I pretty much fell to my knees and promised to live my life as God intended. As I grew deeper in my relationship with God, the way I dealt with things started to change. There are people in my life that literally, complain about everything. Nothing's right, life sucks, it's all someone else's fault. I've either (a) shared my own experiences with them and shared the word or (b) cut them out of my life. Negativity is toxic. I always said when you are going through a rough time in your life, you can pretty much figure out who's going to be there for you and who isn't. I'd rather have 3-4 'all the time' friends than 25 'sometimes' friends. In Big Daddy's line of work, we have a revolving door of friends that come around when we have something to offer, and when we don't, they are gone. We've realized this and have dealt with it accordingly, but unfortunately, it does happen and has happened for the 10 yrs we've been together!

I am by no means perfect, and have never claimed to be. I have many flaws and work on them every day to better myself. Like I said, it's a process. I'm working a little each day to be a better person, a better friend, a better mommy and a better wife.

Jer 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

5 comments:

Samma said...

Have you read Beth Moore's Breaking Free? I picked it up yesterday, as I struggle with the same thing. Having to be in control, wanting things to go according to my timetable, etc. It's all about breaking free and giving our lives to God. Love your post- it's so difficult to let go, but you have inspired me anew this morning!

Amber said...

I am so inspired by your faith. I am a Christian but I falt and waiver so often that I'm ashamed. I ♥ the way you are so firm in your faith. I learn from you, Natalie. I appreciate your faith. It teaches me; you teach me.

Lauren Kelly said...

Wonderful post! God has great things in store for ya'll!! :)

Sole Matters said...

What verses did you come across? Im a control freak!

Tammie said...

I too am a struggling person that try to "leave it in God's hands". I follow you on twitter and receive your blog updates. I enjoy your inspiration. Its a day to day struggle for me. I have learned to talk to God through out my day. I need to work on reading the word. Thank you :-)